5 Simple Strategies to Help Children Cope With Major Life Changes

 

Big life changes are unavoidable, but that doesn't make them easier for kids or adults. Children feel safe with structure and security, so new things like divorce, moving, starting at a new school, or getting a new brother can be scary.

 As we deal with changes, we learn how to be strong. We get stronger and more resilient as we go through these things and learn from them. When a big change happens in a child's life for the first time, they need extra help talking about their feelings, understanding and adjusting to the change, and learning new skills and tactics. 

 Give them enough time to get ready.

 Some changes, like the sudden death of a loved one, make it impossible to get ready. But getting your child ready can help, tell them that a big change is coming. This gives them time to think about and get used to the change. It also gives you time to teach your child about something new. If you are moving, you should show your child the new house and school.

 Set up a time for your child to meet their teacher before school starts. Ask the teacher to speak to your child about a normal day at the new school, give a quick tour of the classroom, or even show pictures and fun things other students have done. If the change is a split, show your kid where the other parent will reside.

Show them which room is going to be theirs. Take them on a neighborhood tour and point out anything interesting or exciting. If you'll have a baby, show your kids pictures of themselves when they were little. Talk with your kids about what they can expect when the new baby arrives and how they can be great big siblings or sisters.

 

Listen to their worries.

Focus on the good things about the big change, but also answer your child's questions and address their worries. Help them deal with the feelings they are having. Most of the time, all a child wants is to be understood. Recognize and support their feelings. Don't try to confuse them or hide them from their feelings too quickly.

Helping kids work through their feelings is an important learning process, but keeping them from feeling anything teaches them nothing. If your child has trouble naming their feelings, help them or give them a word for it, like anxious, sad, nervous, worried, scared, or angry. When you give a feeling a name, it makes it more manageable and easier to deal with.

When you can, help your kids figure out how to deal with the tougher parts of the new situation. If your child is troubled about when they will see the other parent after a divorce, for instance, purchase a calendar and place stickers on each day that pass to getting to see and spend time with the other parent.

If they are scared that you won't have time for them after the baby is born, talk to them about what you will still do with them. Remind them that they can always ask for another kiss or hug if needed. For kids nervous about attending a new school and making friends, play out different situations and talk.

Keep your routines the same.

When something big changes, keeping your child as stable and consistent as possible is important. Keep to your regular plan and habits, and don't make any changes that might upset your child.

For example, if your child is worried about becoming an older brother, don't move them from the cot to a new bed. Bedtimes and mealtimes should always be the same. Children feel safe in the building, so do as much as you can to make them feel safe again.

If you're relocating to a new house or your child will be residing at a second home after a split, try to make the room look like the child's room at home. Give your child time to play with the same toys, read the same material, and do other things you and your family enjoy doing together. Your child will also feel better, happy, and calmer if they get enough rest and eat well.

Provide a way to connect and play.

Another thing that should stay the same is how your child feels about you. Make sure your child knows that you and your connection with them will always be there, no matter what happens. Even if you are dealing with a lot of stress because of the new changes, try to find 10 minutes daily to give your child your full attention.

Make eye contact, put down the phone, and be friendly and fun. If your child is older, pay attention to them. For example, watch an identical movie, play a video game your child likes, or eat at your child's favorite place.

Spend time listening to music with your family in the car or at home. The extra time together and extra attention show your child that you will always love and care for them, which makes it easier for them to deal with changes in other parts of their lives.

 

Discuss other changes.

Talk about or even reflect with your child on their life so far. What changes have happened so far? Your child might have gone through

●        Start of school

●        Adopting a new pet

●        Joining a football team

●        Going into first grade

Talk about what caused these changes. What was good regarding each change, and what wasn't? How did each event teach your child something? How did they get through it, and what have they learned about dealing with things? Talk to your child about how each big change makes them better and more ready for the following one.

In the same way, your child can make a "Before" and "After" picture to show how they dealt with a change in the past. Use the same questions above to talk about how that change affected you. Changes that used to be scary are likely now simply an ordinary aspect of life that doesn't feel scary or stressful.

Talking about things that have changed in the past may assist in putting what's going on now into perspective. It might be scary, but you and your child will adapt to the change. Along the way, you'll learn new ways to deal with the inevitable changes that happen in life.